Valerian and the City of a Thousand Planets

Beginning Thoughts: I want another Fifth Element.

Middle Thoughts: There is no chemistry between these leading actors. Special effects look fantastic. Those aliens that live on the beach are crazy beautiful like runway models. The Great Bazaar is a unique concept and well executed.

Ending Thoughts: So the aliens that never left their planet learned enough to: 1) survive on a wrecked ship; 2) use that knowledge to completely hack the system to not be noticed on this space station where they have DNA verification on audio transmissions; 3) they are now smart enough to create their own spaceship from stolen parts; and 4) with parts no one noticed where missing.

Something I Didn’t Expect: Rihanna as Bubbles was my favorite part of the movie.  Was that Ethan Hawk as Bubble’s Pimp?  Talk about lots of cranial accessories.

Overall: While it was pretty to watch, I wish they spent more time on the characters and less jumping around introducing us to new strange environments. I think it went from a gorge with glowing butterflies to some tribal alien man eaters to sex alley in less than 5 minutes. This was like a bad acid trip of what it’s like being inside the brain of someone who has ADHD with an affinity for sci- fi. If you are looking for another Fifth Element, just keep on walking this is not it.


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